Ever felt the tug-of-war between pleasing others and tending to your own well-being? That's the heart of our latest conversation, where Smillee B and I, Eva G, peel back the layers on the complexities of setting boundaries and the sweet liberation that comes when you finally say 'no'. This episode is a candid journey through our own stories of personal growth, the courage it takes to redefine roles within our relationships, and the transformative power we've discovered in affirming our multifaceted selves.
Hey SBC supporters! Want to connect with us ? You can send us a text message.
Ever felt the tug-of-war between pleasing others and tending to your own well-being? That's the heart of our latest conversation, where Smillee B and I, Eva G, peel back the layers on the complexities of setting boundaries and the sweet liberation that comes when you finally say 'no'. This episode is a candid journey through our own stories of personal growth, the courage it takes to redefine roles within our relationships, and the transformative power we've discovered in affirming our multifaceted selves.
Hey SBC supporters! Want to connect with us ? You can send us a text message.
She bold, she real, and she's definitely ready. Hey guys, it's your girl, smiley B and Eva G. We are back with another. Can I Vint? Yes, my favorite. It's been a minute since we did a. Can I Vent?
Speaker 2:It's been a minute since I did a Can I Vent with my friends period, like I got a lot to get off my chest.
Speaker 1:Really. Yeah me too. It's just, you know, this year I told myself I was starting out clean slate, fresh, leaving 2023 in 2023. But, baby, when I tell you, some energies have tried to transfer over into this new year and I'm just not with it, like I'm not with it. I've just been in my bible praying to God, like to provide me clarity on certain things, because just certain things just not staying right with me.
Speaker 2:Right. And you know, whenever you pray to God for something like the test because the enemy probably he hear those things too. But you know, when you say that you want to make a change, something always pops up to kind of test you. You know so a situation will come your way and then it's like are you going to continue the behavior of whatever?
Speaker 1:you were doing before that prayer?
Speaker 2:Or are you going to say you know what? Here's what I said. I'm going to do in this situation. This is how I'm going to change. So you've been tested. Are you being tested? No for sure, you're being tested?
Speaker 1:I think so. I think I'm being tested. I think it's just a matter of everything. I think it's just a matter of everything. I feel like I've gotten clarity on a lot of stuff, but I feel like some stuff I'm still not certain of, I feel like and it's things that are near and dear to me. So it's like that just makes it even more harder, because you want to make sure that you're handling certain things gently, you know, and you just don't want to make sure that you're handling certain things gently, you know, and you just don't want to make certain mistakes, or you just don't want to make decisions off of emotion like that.
Speaker 2:I don't understand why didn't he make me gentle like? Why can I not be like that? I don't know because I just handle it. So I feel like it's.
Speaker 1:So. I've been getting this message and it's been more like I kept seeing things about like the difference between being kind and nice. You know what I'm saying okay and you know finding what that means. You know because for somebody like me I spoke about it plenty of times on podcasts it's like being a people pleaser. That is one of my the you know cons about myself. Like if I had to weigh out the pros and the cons, of course, I feel like the pros are you know, I'll weigh the cons in.
Speaker 1:Of course I feel like the pros are, you know, outweigh the cons in my personality. But I feel like the people pleasing spirit in me, you know, of course I feel like that had came from just my childhood and my upbringing and things that I have been through and, um, you know, just feeling like that was the gift, that was a gift that I had. But it's like at the same time it's a burden, because you're trying to be mindful of everybody else and do and give yourself to everybody else and everything, but you're not really really filling yourself in and making sure that you're straight until you realize like, okay, I'm not good, you know, until it's really bad, it's when you really notice it. And so that people pleasing spirit is just not good. And I don't see, I haven't found in the bible yet where it says that that is, you know, a commandment or that's something that we're called to do.
Speaker 1:You know the lord does say you know we should, you know, treat, be kind, and you know, love thy neighbor, be gentle, have compassion, you know, like that. But to sit around and just basically compromise your happiness and your peace to make somebody else happy or to make another situation happy or make sense. That doesn't, you know, that doesn't really make sense. But one thing about me is like I kind of get tied up in that and that's what, you know, tugs at my heart and at my spirit, because it's like you know, I feel damned if I do, damned if I don't, and I don't like that. That's one of the things that I do love about you. I have to learn how to draw the line.
Speaker 2:Yes, but that is one of the things that I love about you the most. You know Like you are so helpful like to everyone.
Speaker 2:But when you talk to me about certain stories you know me, like my advice it sounds different from yours. So sometimes even I know y'all all have that friend Smiley is my friend where if I make a text message and I'm about to send it but I have to call her really quick and read it out loud Like, help me fix this and not sound disrespectful, because for me my whole thing is I either treat if I have to say what I need to say, I just make sure I'm not being respectful or am I being disrespectful, like that's how I look at it. I don't care about the whole nice kind, I don't want to say no Like. I just want to make sure what I'm saying is not disrespectful. Yeah, Did you ever? You know you just need to. I've been telling her forever Sometimes you need to say no, even when you can say yes.
Speaker 1:Just practice this no, I definitely need to start standing in my nose more, but I also just need to you know, just make it clear to people that like, yeah, I am this person, but that's not all I am. You know what I'm saying. If this is all you see from me, if this is all you see when you see me, or when you think of me, this, all you think of me is like, what I can get out of her what she's willing to do.
Speaker 2:That's the worst.
Speaker 1:Then just stay away from me, because I'm not that type of person. I see everybody and I love everybody for everything.
Speaker 2:You know because, but they're not going to stay away from you because they're getting what they want.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but no because what is going to is starting to trigger me in a sense like where you're about to blow up.
Speaker 2:I can't wait. I hope I'm here for it.
Speaker 1:No, I'm not with that like.
Speaker 1:It's just because for me it's like I can forgive and move on, like forgiveness is something that I have become, you know, more a being more able to do freely, like and it's not as difficult as it was for me, you know, years ago, but it becomes a thing where I can just if you do some stuff and it's like I feel like you just continuing to do it and you know that you're doing it and you're just trying to continue to take advantage I will cut you out of my life completely.
Speaker 1:So would you rather have limited access to me or no access to me at all? You know what I'm saying and that's what it's coming down to with a lot of people in my life and in my you know, close circles, like, if you're not and this is just, you know, because I had to realize, even in therapy, like I had to drop my expectations down from people or being able to accept people for who they are and meeting them where they are, and I decide whether I want to deal with you or not. And if, if I want to deal with you, I have to accept you for who you are, I can't change you, regardless of how much I want to or how much I feel like you can change. That's not my job. My job is to. If I'm going to accept you, I have to love you and accept you for who you are, and I've learned that. And so, before you know when I was like okay, if you do this, if you do that, you know this is what I expect from people.
Speaker 1:It's like if you do this, if you don't do that, then that means this to me. If you don't show up for me in this way, that means this for me. And it's like now I understand that everybody doesn't have.
Speaker 2:I've seen your growth with that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know. But at the same time, that doesn't mean that me allowing myself to let go of expectations of people. That doesn't mean that I just have to allow and accept anything either, though right, because whatever is healthy for me I'll deal with that, and if it's not healthy for me, that means I can still just step away and not do it, and I can love you from a distance and anyone who is supposed to be around and who loves and appreciates you for you and not everything that you just do for them yeah they won't have a problem with those boundaries.
Speaker 1:you know, yeah, like I'm just, I just want to be at peace, that's all. I'm just asking for peace, that's all I pray for regularly. That is one of the things that I pray for regularly is just peace, and I want that for everybody. You get what I'm saying and that's the thing too is like, even in my people pleasing spirit, I always think like, okay, well, if I change this, you know, this might not only, you know, benefit me, but it also may benefit this person. If I change things with this relationship in this way, it could be beneficial for both of us, you know, for both parties, for both ends. You know what I'm saying Because my people peace and spirit has kind of, you know, manifested itself into some type of some sort of enabling for certain people as well.
Speaker 1:If they just know, oh, if I don't do this or if I don't show up in this way, I could depend on Rikita. That's enabling because I'm showing up and I'm I'm being that crutch. You get what I'm saying. So if I pull back from that as well, it's benefiting them too, because now you got to stand ten toes for yourself. You can't just slack off because you know you have me.
Speaker 2:You might be interfering with God's lessons for other people too.
Speaker 2:God might want certain people to actually hit rock bottom and actually deal with the consequences of some of their decisions. But if they know every time, look, I'm short on my rent again. Let me go on, regina. Like, why would I you know what I mean? Why would I learn to budget or be more financially responsible? If I know, I can just call so-and-so to have me when I fall, because I don't know if you ever saw that video. But you just need to practice saying no and for a little razzle dazzle, add an extra hell no to it did you ever see that video?
Speaker 2:oh my gosh, I love it. Like a girl in a video that went viral she was like everybody got a problem saying no. I don't, I love to say no and I add a little hell.
Speaker 1:No just for a little razzle dazzle, because it's giving no yeah, because at the end of the day it's like I think you know, regardless of what it is it's like, and I feel like for a lot of people. They look at me and they're like, oh, you know, she makes this look easy. I don't know what it is you know about me and I can't see me through other people's lenses, but what I will say is that, regardless of what it looks like on the outside, sometimes I'm not emotionally, physically, financially, spiritually there to be there for people. Just because I have, you know, the 101 times that I've done before, that doesn't mean that 102nd time, that 102nd time that I will be able to do that or show up in that way no, and so consider me in that way too.
Speaker 1:You know what I'm saying. That's where it's hurtful, because it's like regardless, I'm still human, regardless of what it looks like on the outside. Yes, I'm always smiling, hence why, you know, I have the name, the nickname, smiley b. You know people used to call me that all the time like smiley, you, always smiling, but that doesn't mean that I'm always happy. That's just who I am. I'm always smiling, and it's just. It almost became a mask because growing up or just going through a lot of stuff that I've went through, I wasn't always smiling, or in on the inside, for sure you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:So it just became a thing where it's like if I smiled and it won't be noticeable if I smile, I don't have to talk about it. Yeah, you know what I'm saying. I don't have to. You know, people won't see it, you know, whatever like. But yeah, like, just consider me in that way, you know definitely you do smile a lot, so that might make people.
Speaker 2:but they might also just be looking at what you have on the outside, like Like, oh, you know she's good with this. Like she has this going on, this going on, Like she got it. You know it ain't going to be no problem to have it for something if she got it and I hate when people assume that you know, and I might got it, but I might got it for me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I might have it for me and my household and what my life consists of, and that sister and that's what I mean, like, just consider me in that way. Yes, because I don't look at people like that, right, I don't think like that. You know what I'm saying. I know there's a lot of people in my life that even have more than what I have and I could easily I know they would just because of the relationship I can be like, oh you know, what can I get out of this person? I can get this out, but that's not who. I am, right, I genuinely love people and if you, you know, are there for me or you offer here and there, I might accept or whatever, but I'm just not that person and I Just hate that.
Speaker 1:I have a lot of People in my life that is Like that and it seems like you know what I'm saying. Maybe they're not doing it intentionally. Like I said, it becomes a habit For some people. I feel like it just becomes, you know, second nature. You get what I'm saying. Like, even Just when I'm going through certain things, I just automatically call you like you're that it just became second nature.
Speaker 1:It's not because you know what I'm saying, I'm just like oh you know, let me see, let me call you know, interrupt her day and you know, you know, but it's just habit, because since we've been kids, there's just certain stuff that I'll talk to you about or come to you about that I want other people, right, but even with that I have to consider you because you have a life. So it's like, okay, maybe today she's not, maybe let me ask or lead with seeing how she feel, let me check her temperature to see if she's, you know, ready and willing for me If she can take this on.
Speaker 2:Yeah, if she can take this on, cause if I'm already mad and you tell me something that's gonna make me even more mad, let's just pull up, cause at this point they got us all fucked up and I'm done you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:so I think that that's what I've been struggling with and that's what I've been being about and I've been getting it out to the Lord, cause I've been just like you know, like Lord, please make this clear to me Like, what am I doing wrong? What do I need to change without compromising me as a person who you've called me to be? Because, like I said, I do feel like it is a gift and it is a curse. I can be there and I can, I can, you know, um, I can speak life into people. I'm very dependable. I love that about me, but those things all together, kind of just and maybe that's what it is.
Speaker 2:Maybe God just wants you to speak life into people. Yeah, you know, maybe he doesn't necessarily want these people in your you know, I don't know in your space.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like you know, my sphere, yeah, yeah, no for sure, like, don't know, and I just feel like being able to stand in my nose or being able to just have more of a boundary doesn't, it should not affect, and I think that that's what I worry about the most. It's like the, the, the after effect of like drawing that line, or just being able to change the night and that dynamic with certain relationships, because if the relationship is rooted in this, that's what I'm saying what you say.
Speaker 2:if I say no, how are you going?
Speaker 1:to act, then how are you going to act? Is this relationship going to even be existing? You get what I'm saying and I just have to be okay with the fallout, whether it goes left or whether it goes right. I just have to be okay with that. So I just have to continue to pray about that, because I think that that's what it is. Or like, if I do start to do this or, you know, change this, what will other people think of me? Like the people that's closest. I don't really care about other people or outsiders. What they care, I care, but not to the point where it's like oh, it's that big of a deal, but the people that's closest to me, what would they feel like about me? But even that I have to let go because it's like I know who I am, I know.
Speaker 2:So are you saying that? You wonder if, by you saying no and standing on your nose, are you worrying who the people that you know really do have your back and are there for the right reasons You're worried about how they're going to judge you for saying no to other people.
Speaker 1:I think it just will be like not even necessarily that, just people in general, like not even you know the people that's closest to me or whatever, because I mean I guess everybody's true colors will show in that moment is what I'm saying? Like I feel like anybody who's anybody that is in my life who has any type of relationship with me. If I make certain decisions, if I create certain boundaries, if I make certain changes, you know the fallout all the way around, like what the relationship will be with this person or this person, or what would that person think. You know the fallout all the way around, like what the relationship will be with this person or this person, or what would that person think. You know if I decided to do that. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:It's kind of hard to to explain it without going in complete no, you're just such a nice person and like you, just care so much, and I just don't care yeah and it just, and I just like I'm saying no, like I'm just gonna say no, even when I can if I don't feel yeah, and I just like I'm saying no, like I'm just going to say no, even when I can If I don't feel like it, if I'm tired, shoot. Especially like when it comes to like financial, like people you know asking for money or wanting money or a large lump sum of money.
Speaker 2:How I look at it is, first of all, whatever I'm giving you, I have to work this many hours to get that, so I'm already looking at it like that, you know. And then it's like it's coming, like that's something I could be getting ahead on a bill or giving to my kids, or something like that. So when I think about stuff like that, it makes it real easy for me to say no if I really don't have it, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:And, like you say, I think it does become a thing where it's like what blessings I'm blocking or how I'm standing in the way of God's plan Somebody else's journey. They may not understand either, because I honestly and truly believe that in I feel like I am blessed and highly favored.
Speaker 2:You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:And I don't, and that's so crazy because I don't measure my. I don't measure me being blessed and highly favored based off of the things that I have or the things that I've been granted.
Speaker 2:I base it off of what I've been through and what he's brought me through, you get what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:I say all the time All the things that he's brought me through.
Speaker 2:Yes, seriously.
Speaker 1:And so, with that being said, it's like anybody connected to me, anything and anybody connected to me, you're going to be blessed in any way, so anything that you're looking to get from me is going to be 10 times greater if you be patient and just wait on God to just bless us all you get what I'm saying. And that's where we have to take the selfishness out of it. And just, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:That's where it has to come, and that's why I think, like I said, I have to learn to just be okay with the fallout, because that's just going to be their loss, correct? If you feel like, because I don't do what you need me to do or I'm not, you know the person that you feel like I need to be for you, that's fine. You know what I'm saying and that disconnect is going to be there, but, like I said, that's just going to be you, you know, stepping away from whatever it is that the Lord has already ordained over my life and everybody connected to me, and that's what I'm realizing in this season too. You know what I'm saying, mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:So yeah, I'm ready for you to be mean. I'm ready for you to be mean.
Speaker 1:I think I just have to yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think I just have to Like you're very particular about how you word things to people to try to be nice and, you know, not create any eggshells for anybody to walk on. Bitch, I'm throwing eggs, yeah, like I don't care and that just made me think about when.
Speaker 1:Because, you right, I literally the other day and I put this on my story and this is my we didn't do a wth moment okay, at the beginning of the podcast, but I'm gonna throw this in there.
Speaker 2:This is my, we didn't do a wth moment okay at the beginning of the podcast, but I'm gonna throw this in there.
Speaker 1:This is my wth moment because this I was at the store the other day waiting for the store to open. It was running late I don't know what they had going on, but they was running a little late and we were standing outside and there was multiple people pulling up to the store and they were um, they were coming in. I mean, they were coming up. There was a lady coming up from behind me and she grabbed my braid. I'm sorry, yes, she grabbed my braids. This, what this? This older white lady came over behind me and grabbed my braids and said can I touch your hair? It's so pretty. And she had a handful of my braids in her hand already and my instinct, like immediately I turned around. I looked at woman, her face, and I gave her like a death stare because I was like so irritated because, like you coming up from behind me, I don't know who you are. You're startling me and I'm not a pet.
Speaker 2:I'm not a pet. What are you doing?
Speaker 1:and I immediately like gave her a death stare because in how I you know, people always tell me like you don't your facial expressions be crazy, but I don't never notice. But I felt it immediately and she, when I say she let go of my hair so quick and step back, and she's like oh no, I'm sorry, it just looks so nice, did you do it yourself? And I'm like I couldn't even say nothing, I just shook my head and I just she just stopped talking to me because I was just like so shocked, yeah, so shocked yeah.
Speaker 1:And I just am, like it was like coming up out of me, like I wanted to be like don't ever do that shit again, like don't touch. But I was just like Lord, that's just the God in me, because I could have let this little old lady have it and for me, like I said on my story, it wasn't about the fact that she was white or whatever, because I know that that's a, but it's like for me it would have been anybody. You're a stranger, you're coming up from behind somebody I know for real and you're touching them in any way, form or fashion. That's like me walking up.
Speaker 2:I don't know if that was God in you. God might have wanted you to cuss her out.
Speaker 1:That's like me walking up to a woman in a store with a nice Gucci bag and being like ma'am, your bag is banging, let dang it, let me see it. And grabbing it and touching it Like that's just too close for comfort. Like why are you touching me? Like why?
Speaker 2:You know what I'm saying. That happened to me at a job before, but my boss okay. We had a different relationship though.
Speaker 1:That's what I'm going to say.
Speaker 2:We knew each other, you know, and she asked me, and I did let her touch it, and then, after the fact, like I thought about it and I was like I should not have let that woman playing my hair touch my hair, but she was just so happy she was, like it's just so nice it was.
Speaker 2:I had like the what do you call them? Like the spiral curls or something like that, you know, because they always think everybody's hair has to be like it's nappy sometimes. But, baby, I can get it straight. You know what I mean and curl it and put some little waves in it or something. But yeah, I did think about that and it's like you've seen somebody with wave braids before and then why you didn't touch them well, not even why do you have to touch it.
Speaker 1:What are you touching it for? And then my hair at that point is have been in there for like six to eight weeks, wasn't nothing? Nothing about it cute, but not girl the new girl the new girl was crazy. Baby hairs not laid ends, wasn't even curled. No more frizzy braids like baby. What are you talking?
Speaker 2:about you just doing stuff because I feel like you're trying to be funny.
Speaker 1:You just doing stuff to do it like what are you talking about? Like oh my gosh. But yeah, I definitely need to get better with that, because I feel like my life is good, but I feel like it would be so much better if, yeah, like if baby could just start standing on my nose again and just really, and I feel like I've done, I have made changes with it, but I feel like there's just certain relationships with certain people that I haven't quite did that with yet, and that's what, just like you know and it may be because of their title to me or whatever, and I just I'm just praying for clarity on that cause.
Speaker 1:I want to make sure that I'm doing what I'm supposed to do at the same time and that I'm still honoring God by doing that. You know what I'm saying like I don't know what I'm called to be in somebody's life, and I don't know what I'm called to be in somebody's life, and I don't ever want to be selfish to where it's like okay, I'm missing that, I'm missing my mark with that.
Speaker 1:You know, what I'm saying, because he could have put me in this person's life to do X, y and Z, and I might not be doing the Z or whatever, but that doesn't mean I have to stop doing all together or whatever. Like just I'm just trying to figure it out and make it make sense. But yeah, like I just feel like everybody would be happier all the way around. It's just like we all just be more transparent and just understanding. And I just feel like you know some stuff people may not know, but it's just some stuff is like you know some stuff people may not know, but it's just some stuff is like you know what you're doing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know what the hell you're doing. Like just stop.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's so interesting, like I really feel like we're so similar in a lot of ways, we're so different in a lot of ways, and that is one of the big ways that we kind of differ you know, and so I do just wish like I could have half of that from you and you could have half of that for me so I could balance out, because my problem is I'm gonna say and I'm gonna stand on whatever I need to.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna say whatever I need to say. My whole thing is like I just have to like things, that if somebody said something to me that I felt like was true, yeah, you know, if, as long as they weren't like disrespectful or something like, I can take the words that somebody is saying and like, digest that, focus on that and be like, okay, that's either true or not. But I feel like everybody can't do that. But I'm that type of person. So I kind of say bluntly what it is I need to say. And some people take that, as you know, mean or disrespectful or whatever it is. So I don't know, like maybe I need to pause a little bit more. And just what would? What would smiley do?
Speaker 1:yeah, and I think that you know. I think that, even though you say that you know, you're not this way. I've known a lot of situations where I was like, because you being too nice, what?
Speaker 2:you mean example?
Speaker 1:me honey, when you moved, said baby. When you moved, that baby mama yeah, that's different said brother's baby mama in your house after a little, not knowing her that well, but moving her in your house and not, um, making her pay any bills and all this and all that, and then baby, it backfired because baby didn't even appreciate it and now she running crazy like somebody done this on her but I feel like I still did what I was supposed to do because, who knows, from that situation, that may have been the only reason how I got so close with that nephew, you know.
Speaker 1:I get it. You know, that was definitely a me move. You know what I'm saying that was. You said you saw me, but that was a but.
Speaker 2:This is the difference, though this is the difference. We probably lived together for all of six, eight months, no.
Speaker 1:It wasn't a year it was maybe a year, she moved in when I was at that one apartment.
Speaker 2:I think it was at least a year.
Speaker 1:She moved in and was there for like four months.
Speaker 2:She was there for like four months and then at the new house, she was only there for like six months, that's a year Almost.
Speaker 2:But even with that, I put my expectations on. I am a nice, don't get me wrong. I am a nice person, but when I feel like things are being taken advantage of, I'm going to give you one, maybe two warnings, because as soon as I saw the last little um, I think it's time for you to go. I ain't feel bad about it or nothing. It's time for you to go. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:So I think that was reasonable.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I feel like you're I like to help people who are helping themselves that's my thing, but I feel like too.
Speaker 1:You're like me in essence too, because you help a lot of people. I do, but you give less chances I'll say that you are firm in like, whatever it is that you said at that moment like and then I don't feel bad, yeah, and that's my thing is I give too many chances, I think I don't know if there's a limit or um. It should be too because what if, the what if, each, each time, each time is something different.
Speaker 2:Things are just. Some things are just, um, like giving someone a warning or just letting them know. Hey, I don't like this Because when I, when we lived together, there were several things you know. She grew up how and where she grew up. I grew up where and how I grew up. So whenever you're moving and living with somebody, y'all have to learn how to operate in each other's space.
Speaker 2:So there were several things that I was seeing and I'm just talking to hey, I know you walk past this sink of dishes, just like I walk past the sink of fucking dishes, okay, you know. So I'm going to let you know what, what I would expect. But you know, after a couple of warnings then it's like, okay, boom, you still did that. That's strike one. Yeah, strike two. It's time to go. And I don't feel bad, like I actually feel good. I'm very proud. I know I helped someone that was in need. I know that God was very proud of me for that. But I'm not about to be a doormat. You're not about to use me all up and if I don't see that you're in this space to, uh, like my biggest thing is, I see so much in people that I feel like they don't see in themselves, and so I saw Same, you see the potential in people.
Speaker 2:I see the potential. So, when I realized that she didn't see that potential and she didn't want to better her situation. What can we talk about? What is similar about us? It's nothing. It's only going to bring me backwards and bring me down. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:And so.
Speaker 2:I didn't feel bad at all.
Speaker 1:I think it's time for you to go.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know, and I know I didn't do nothing wrong, because I've continued to receive blessings after that and that person continued to go downhill. If anything, I thank God you did the right thing. You got away when you could, for sure you know. For sure.
Speaker 1:Speaking of chances, I know you said something about friendships because, yeah, I feel like you give your friends a lot of chances.
Speaker 2:I do. So a good way to look at it. And I had, I had a boyfriend at one time. You know how we talked on the podcast before about like how I view like relationships and exes and everything, and I don't really feel like I have like bad breakups, like I feel like I could walk past just about any ex, say what's up, keep it pushing, like no, no, really no hate or whatever, because I really appreciate every relationship, whether it's, you know, a dating relationship, family relationship, friends relationship, like you're going to learn something that's going to better you in some way, shape or form.
Speaker 2:But anyways, I had a boyfriend and he gave me like the best friend advice ever and I really feel like that was God's sole reason for bringing that man into my life, because I needed to hear that when I think about ending a friendship with someone or if we need to go our separate ways or take space, I have to look at and do you just not agree with what this person is is doing in their life like their own choices? Person is is doing in their life like their own choices, like is that what the issue is? Or do you feel like that person wouldn't have your back?
Speaker 2:or doesn't care about you, or you know, like, don't not just be someone's friend because of what they're doing to themselves. How are they treating you? You know what I mean, and so once I think of like, once I started looking at things like that, I think that made such a big difference, like I have a friend who I don't agree with anything.
Speaker 2:Anything she does or dates, or anybody she dates not I'll say anything. She dates, anybody she dates, or just there are a lot of things when it comes to that that I absolutely hate for her. You know what I mean. But at the end of the day, if I was to become homeless right now, I don't care if she had a one bedroom shack. Ok, pack them, kids up, bring them. Do you need some clothes? Take the shirt off my bag. Here's my last sandwich. Like let's, let's split that sandwich and you don't come across a lot of people that you really feel like will have your back, like that. So I don't know if I do feel like I give friends a lot of chances, but it's just once again me seeing the potential in you and that hurts me. Like I feel like my friend deserves the world and she deserves this and that and she's settling for this, and so I think that's more so. Yeah, like what the chances are, but I don't think that's my right you know that's not fair.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, I feel it. I just know that you know, recently you had, you know, a situation with a friend that you gave multiple chances to, and I think that you know this particular person probably crossed the line for the final time for you, so it's just like. That's why I'm like okay, what is it like? What? What does make you draw the line?
Speaker 2:oh, what makes me draw the line with friends? I think that, hmm, what draws the lines with friends is that's a hard one, because, yeah, I think it's different, I think it's it depends on the situation and then, like you said, the, the friendship, the, the, the foundation of the right, I mean, obviously we have the common sense ones.
Speaker 1:Like you know, if they mess with your man or you know, like of course they do something that shows that their integrity is just compromised.
Speaker 2:But then some stuff like it's just and we've talked about this before you know how sometimes you'll have a friendship with someone and it's based off of like history, like we've known each other for 20 years.
Speaker 2:You can't just trauma bonding, yeah you can't just not be friends like you know, um, you might not see each other and speak to each other all the time, but you're always going to have a love and a soft spot for someone. But, yeah, I definitely do think that, like that last situation, that definitely drew the line. But even how my line looks, it might look different to some people, like me and this person still have a lot of mutual friends. We're going to be around each other. You know what I mean and that's fine. We were just around each other, perfect time, good time.
Speaker 2:But am I going to text you later? Am I going to respond to text? Am I going to call you? Am I going to invite you to my house? Am I going to? You know, just hang out, just me, and you, oh, absolutely not. You know what I mean, absolutely not, and I don't feel bad about that, but I don't know. Do you not think that that's like stern enough? Do you feel like like if you were to fall out with someone in the situation I was in, do you feel like it deserves? They never deserve to be in my presence again? Like do you not think I'm being mean enough with it?
Speaker 1:like no, I think that you know, I think, like I said, and I think it's, you know, different strokes for different folks, and I think every situation is different.
Speaker 1:My thing is once my trust or my comfortability is, like you know, tainted in that sense, like if there's this level of trust that's breached, like if I feel like I got to watch my back because I don't know what I'm getting with you, and every time it's something different and it starts to become a thing where it's like I don't really know, I'm not, really can't be myself, I can't 100 let my guard down because you might act like this or you might come like this.
Speaker 1:And I'm not saying no small stuff, I'm saying like your personality is changing you, you trying to be physical, are you like stuff like that is like for me, it's like, yeah, if you are, my presence is gonna be very limited and my guard is gonna be up, and I don't want to. I'm a free spirited person, I don't want to have my guard up. So, yeah, it's gonna be very far in between where that's gonna happen, unless I see like legit, genuine change in a person, because that's the thing about it too is like people do be fighting their own demons and we think that we, we are very powerful. I feel like we both are anointed, we both have you know, really, really big callings on our life, but I feel like there's even some stuff that's bigger than us and it's like we can't.
Speaker 1:I feel like that's one thing we both got to realize that there's things that we just can't, you know, help, or we can't change, and it's like we we just gotta leave that be where it's at and if that, you know what I'm saying and I think only time will tell if it's forever or not but um I mean.
Speaker 2:and then we gotta keep in mind too, this sad person that we talk about y'all I had already stopped being friends with for like two, three years. You know, when I saw, when I did see some things about, okay, I didn't know if you just made a bad decision or used a poor choice of words, so I'm not going to just hold you on these couple bad moments. But then when I saw, okay, no, it's some things about your character that's just not, we're not matching Definitely left that person for several years Like, oh, you're going to see, you know what I mean. And then you know, saw some changes, thought there were some changes made, and then you, you know we can be more so in that closer space, yeah, and then that person does it again. So I don't think I don't fault myself for it no, I don't know, because I would pray that people will have grace for me also.
Speaker 2:We go through periods of times, uh, where we're going through changes or growth and maybe you know I wasn't being my best self during something I was going through, you know. So I don't want to be too judgmental or hard on people, yeah, um. But you know I'm definitely okay with like checking in and seeing can we get back to that space? I'm okay with it. But then I see it again. Now I gotta back up again.
Speaker 1:Yeah for sure. Yeah, and I mean I think it, just it.
Speaker 2:I think you'll know when, like you're completely done um, you know what I'm saying, because that's the thing that me and you have never seen eye to eye on, though, because you feel like you can be done with friends. I feel like when I have been like such a friend, like when I have been a good friend to someone like I don't think it ever really like.
Speaker 2:You never really stop being friends, you stop being close friends, you stop being best friends, but it's always going to be like unless they did some super snake shit. Like it's going to always be some type of like if you walk in with your man down the street and you bump into this person and you say, oh, this is my old friend, like, this is my friend, so and so, like I'm all. It's always going to still be that a little bit, you know.
Speaker 1:I just feel like for me and I my perspective has changed a lot because, like you said, it's like a lot of that came from expectations. Yeah, because I expected me out of other people and that's where I went wrong.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:And I'm like I say I'm not perfect, but I know who I am to people, I know who I've been to people, I know what I've done and I've changed people's lives in ways that you know others haven't.
Speaker 1:So for me it's like yeah, I know, you know I did expect me out of people because I just felt like it just made sense or that it just would happen. Natural, you know what I'm saying, but everybody's not me, everybody don't have the same thinking or mindset, or you know, and that's just fine, you know. So my thought process has changed on that a bit. However, what I will say is that sometimes for me it's like I would rather I don't want it to have to be something so major and so big to where it tarnishes. You know that I don't want to remember you in that light, like if it doesn't work out or if we don't become friends. If something does happen, and even if it's some minute to some people, I'd rather that be the case, like you said, and there's no animosity and we just go our separate ways and if I see you as I speak and you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:But at that point, yeah, maybe the friendship title does fall off, because we're not calling each other, we're not being that. You know, we're not really fitting the definition of what a friend is and that's just like the, the standard definition of what a friend is you get?
Speaker 1:what I'm saying. Like you said, it's like if I see you, I see you I'm not. You know we're speaking whatever, and sometimes it's best for things to be like that. I have a lot of friends that I will say. We growing up, I had a lot of friends that I'm not necessarily friends with or I'm still friendly with.
Speaker 1:I'll say that and maybe that's what it is, and, and, and that will, but I don't never want it to be a situation and and if it has been, it never was on my end. I don't, I don't know. You know. I'm saying, like you said, if we were genuinely friends and I really love for you, I've been there for you. We've been through some trying times together. I will always respect, I will always cherish that and I want that to be that.
Speaker 1:I don't want to keep giving you chances to keep, or you know what I'm saying, or you giving me multiple chances, and then it makes it even worse to the point where it's like, damn, ain't no comeback from that. If I do see you, I don't even want to speak, because you done. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:I don't want it to ever get to that, and so sometimes it's like I don't know, but that's so hard because, like, I feel like a big calling for me, yeah is. You know, I'm just such a people person like I can just I just people gravitate to me really easily and it's just really easy for me to talk to people and so I feel like that's kind of like a big part of my calling. There have people that I've had a quick conversation with or something that really, like changed their perspective on something or really gave them the encouragement that they needed. So what if my calling in this person's life and kind of why it's so hard to pull away, what if really there's something that god knows this person needs to hear from me, or maybe something about my life? God needs this person to see something. Yeah, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:So that's something that I struggle with a lot with, like you know, old friends who I feel like I can't blame everybody for not being at the same level as me, because at one point in time we were at the same level. Yeah, you know, I made my decision to go this way and you made your choices to go the other way. You know what I mean, but at some point we were equally yoked. You know. That's how we became friends, yeah, but I don't know if I just if, if you just completely, 100 percent, just that doesn't mean you have to be like easily accessible or accessible all the time. But I'm not gonna act like I hate you, you know.
Speaker 2:I can be in the same room with you and I'm not gonna I don't gotta make it awkward. You know I can have as long as now, don't get me wrong. All of that. We had a conversation had to be had before it got to that point. You know a very heated and I'm and I'm no filter and I'm saying everything I need to say. You know, once that conversation was said and I gave you these are the new boundaries. You know what I mean no so once that conversation was had.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we can definitely be in each other's space. You know what I mean. Like I definitely always I'm gonna want the best for you, but I don't know, maybe that is still giving a chance.
Speaker 1:But yeah, I mean I think we're saying the same thing because, like, yeah, and like I said, you know, I think that everybody's different. Um, because I am such a, like, emotional person um, you know what I'm saying. It doesn't always take the big things to hurt my feelings or to make me feel a way, and then it it also matters to me, like how you acknowledge it, if if I if I tell you like this hurt my feelings or this made me feel a way also that affects my decision how to move forward too because,
Speaker 1:everybody's gonna make mistakes. We're all human and we may, you know, not purposely hurt someone else's feelings. However, if or do something to hurt somebody, but if someone brings that to your attention and they this is a person that says they really care about you, then it go. I'm gonna consider how you are, whatever you are doing or however you handle the situation.
Speaker 1:That's gonna determine my decision on how I want to move forward right because I'm a type of person like, if you come to me today like cuz, when you said this to me or when you brought this up, I didn't that hurt my feelings. I didn't really appreciate that. I feel like you were trying to be funny or you was throwing shade, and if I don't see it that way, I'm gonna say that like hey, cuz, I didn't see it that way. I'm sorry, that wasn't my intentions, but I acknowledge your feelings and I I don't ever want to make you feel like, because I love you whether I agree, because I know that that wasn't my intentions.
Speaker 1:I don't really agree.
Speaker 2:And one thing you know that I love about us. I don't really feel like we even have too many Of those moments, but I know we have A specific moment when remember we were at the airport.
Speaker 1:Yeah, with another cousin. Yeah.
Speaker 2:And I was talking to you About something.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Explaining something to you and then that person Kind of put themselves in it and it kind of seemed like were like attacking and saying something, something to you about yourself, and you completely were saying two different things. But before you even you didn't even have to tell me that your feelings was low-key, hurt. You didn't have to tell me like as soon as we off to the side, because my bad, that was not supposed to go, like that I was not saying the same thing. You know what I mean. Like I know you so much, I already knew that was gonna bother you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know because and it because it bothered me yeah, and don't get me wrong, because I could take criticism. I can't excuse my neighbor's dog job, but I can take criticism and I can. I can listen and and really hear people out right, and you know what I'm saying. I can't take that in because you know what I'm saying. I'm an adult, but it's like where?
Speaker 1:there are some factors, it's some factors and it's certain things, like you said it's like it, whether to me it's like well, I didn't see it like that. You know what I'm saying and that's not my idea. Like I feel like if you know me, you know where I'm coming from with certain things you know, what I'm saying, but at the same time I can't come off a certain way and not know it. So I appreciate that.
Speaker 1:But it's like, if it comes off, it's like you trying to judge me, then that's when it's kind of like I'm going to be like okay, like what is this coming from? Are you just trying to? You know?
Speaker 2:are you trying to bring me down? Are you trying to bring something to my?
Speaker 1:attention, so I can work on that Exactly.
Speaker 2:You get what I'm saying and that was my intention.
Speaker 1:So it's about the context.
Speaker 2:That was my intention about that specific situation and I felt like the the other person. I was real confused, you know yeah not that I don't know if they were trying to intentionally. I don't think they were trying to intentionally hurt you or bring you down, and that's the delivery wasn't, and that's the thing I started I wanted to say too because, like you say, it comes from like direct and indirect.
Speaker 1:I can't respect anything that's indirect, like in a sense, like that, like I've been seeing a lot of indirect stuff, like even just with, like family and close, like you know what I'm saying and I'm just like I, if it's not directed, I can't respect it, get. I'm saying yeah, because, like you said, what is this rooted in? Like where is this really coming from? And then, do you really want a resolution or do you want to have a problem? Right, is there a problem or is it? You're really trying to. You know what I'm saying, because I'm, I think, like that too. But that's me, because I always try to look at the bigger picture.
Speaker 2:Not everybody can do that, which is something that I'm learning At this big age. A lot of people can't put themselves in other people's shoes. I do that so well. I'm such an empath. I can feel like if someone is talking to me about something because you know me, I ask so many questions, I'm getting the picture, I'm visualizing the situation I'm putting myself in this situation. A lot of people cannot do that Correct and that's it causes like such a that's where misunderstanding comes in and I mean that's just the worst. I feel like that's one of the biggest things that I deal with is feeling like I'm not being understood, like I feel so misunderstood a lot of times which it confuses me because I feel like I'm so direct, you know, but I don't know. Like I struggle with feeling like I have to get my point across or over explain to people when they're already showing they're not. Some people aren't able to handle what you're saying. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:No, for sure. For me it's like there is a secret animosity, like where is this coming from? You get what I'm saying, like just be a, just be direct, like just call it how you see it and like you know what I'm saying. To me that's like you're seeking a issue or you're wanting it to be a divide.
Speaker 2:I don't know if I'm saying that or it could be that you know they. Just maybe they're experiencing something that they've seen. Maybe they read into it wrong or differently or something else. You know what I mean, like in that specific situation, because, like I mean, I have traveled with you like a whole bunch of times. You know what I mean. So in that specific situation, I know you.
Speaker 2:I also look at the benefits. You know the pros and the cons. Like I love my pros traveling with you. I feel like there's a couple cons and you, like I love my pros traveling with you. I feel like there's a couple cars which and I'm probably, you probably feel like that with me, especially when it comes to like things like traveling. So, like y'all, let me tell you something. Smiley B is like, first of all, she's gonna have an itinerary plane, she gonna have it together. Here's our tickets. We're gonna be here at this time, like literally when I'm going on vacation with her, I just packed my bag and she tells me the rest of what to do. Yeah, I just show up. You know what I mean and that could, I don't know. Does that irritate you?
Speaker 1:that I'm like not, no, I kind of like to have that control a little bit in a sense, because it kind of eases my anxiety yeah um, I don't. I'm not a person that. I'm the opposite. I don't want to travel and depend on somebody else's ice or like just a lot of people, just travel and wing it, and I love that for the free spirit of people but, I'm a little bit more organized and very you know I, it has to make sense, like I have to know at least a baseline of like what's going on, and I feel like at least getting there and getting from there, the we have to be on one accord.
Speaker 1:Everybody needs to be on the same page or know what is expected, because if any type of miscommunication or any mishaps happen, we at least we know like okay, I said this was the deal, you know what I'm saying. But especially when you're traveling with a group of people, now, if it's just me and eva, we going, it's a little bit more free. You know what I'm saying, we, we, it's just us two, right, but we've took a lot of trips with, like multiple people yeah groups um groups of people.
Speaker 1:So for me that just helps ease my anxiety. With that, you know what I'm saying and I love everything about it.
Speaker 2:Just tell me where to be and when, like.
Speaker 1:But yeah, even like, yeah, she's just like, she is more like just not shalom, and that is like yeah, she just not Shalon.
Speaker 2:Is it bad sometimes? Am I not Shalon with everything?
Speaker 1:Yeah, like we was about to be late for when we was going to Texas, when we was going to Houston that time, and I was like, oh my gosh, your mom was going to take us to the airport and she was like on the other side of town, and we're already on the other side of town, it's like 20 minutes away, and we had to go back to that side of town where she lives to go to the airport. So she had to come to us and then get us back. That way he was freaking out, cuz yes, and I called you because we, mind you, okay, we, my aunt's birthday is two days before my birthday, but her party was the night before my birthday and we were, and so and and my her aunt is my mom, so that's how we're cousins yes, we booked a red eye.
Speaker 1:So me and her went to her mom's birthday the night before. Party the night before. We're having a good time, we're a little inebriated and we're not even thinking like we gotta get up in a few hours and catch a flight, and so we're about to not even go to sleep, we're about to just go unpack our bags and just be waiting for your mom to come get us in a couple hours. But my aunt fell asleep and I'm not mad at her, she's older, it was her birthday. She kicked it hard but, baby, she woke up and we was like you know, you got to be at the airport like at least an hour and a half to two hours before your flight board we was literally got there and they was boarding the planes.
Speaker 1:Like I remember, walking up to the lady was like y'all need to hurry up, they're about to board y'all's plane, like it was my birthday. They gave my birthday back. They was like y'all need to hurry up and go, like y'all y'all playing, but that's how. Yeah, like I don't like having a rush through tsa and all that and so it was like just calm down, cuz it's, we're gonna be okay, we're gonna make it.
Speaker 1:I'm like, yeah, by the skin of our teeth, we about to get the shitty seats, we're about to like and like you know, and I guess stuff like that seats don't bother me.
Speaker 2:What if we want to get something to eat? What if we want?
Speaker 1:to just get a little drink, something to take the edge off. We're about to get on this flight like we ain't had time to do none of that.
Speaker 2:We had to make sure we was in the right uh, you know boarding area, all that, but it's just so funny because y'all have to one of the biggest things about me that I needed to work on. But at this point I just think it's part of my character and it's how god made me talk to him about. If you have a problem, I'm a very late person, so her idea.
Speaker 1:She's always her idea. Don't be like super late it'd be to everything.
Speaker 2:I probably was late going to get a fucking what's it called induced and get my labor induced. Like I'm late to everything, I have to find jobs to where you know they're very lenient, and everything. I've been very lucky to have bosses that are like baby, as long as you hit your hours, I ain't tripping. You know what I mean. So our ideas of being late are just completely different. Like to Smiley, being on time is late, but to me being 15, 20, 30 minutes late is low key on time.
Speaker 1:Like that's how I look at it. Yeah, she was late today. We like okay, we're not going to drive to the office, which probably was a mistake, because these damn dumbass dogs next door.
Speaker 1:And I'm not no dog hater or nothing like that y'all. So don't judge me, but it's just my neighbor's dogs. I just moved y'all and I got a neighbor with three big-ass dogs that just bark at anything and it's so annoying and I just absolutely hate it like I hate it for them, because why do y'all have these annoying ass dogs? And they're not even like little baby dogs, they're big dogs that should be trained and it's like they know better. But if they getting on my nerves, I know they getting on y'all's damn nerves they probably tuned it out, but like so, even with that, perfect example, and she only live 15 minutes away from me, so she told me to be here at 1115.
Speaker 2:So I'm assuming she means like 12 o'clock.
Speaker 1:Like no, I said 1115.
Speaker 2:You really mean 1115?
Speaker 1:See when I mean direct and not say what I mean. No, okay, because this is what you got to do.
Speaker 2:This is what you got to do with me. When it's like the absolute deadline time, you have to say like no, literally 1115. But I thought that, since you know me so well, I thought you'd be giving me a cushion, because 1115 is such a weird time. It is a weird time, so I thought you was giving me a cushion, like I thought you wanted to be here at 1130.
Speaker 1:I was giving you a cushion and you got here at 1135 when you walked in the door at 1135. So that's still on time, because if I thought you meant 11 30.
Speaker 2:I only got here, but I did expect you to be here, like at least 11 30, like I did. I'm not and I did basically, yeah, 11 35 is a little bit, just a second.
Speaker 1:Yeah, see no respect, no respect. That's what I be trying to teach her. Like it comes off very disrespectful, like what?
Speaker 2:I'm terrible because I will literally lay down until, like I'm late for something, I will be awake.
Speaker 1:She's like oh, I gotta go, I gotta somewhere to be. I'm like what time you gotta be there? She'd be like 12, 30, it'd be one o'clock like ma'am. You might not go, just don't go at this point you're not going to better than not coming, just coming late.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna show up and I feel like at this point, everybody in my life, I feel like and I'm not saying it's a good thing. It is something that I should work on, but I feel like everybody around me pretty much like they give me wrong times now on purpose, so I'm kind of comfortable now yeah I told them that I said you gotta.
Speaker 1:But one thing about her too is that um is she will bug you a thousand and one time. This would really be stressing me out by her, because why did you ask me 10 times what time is this start, what time this start, and you still don't. It's like oh cuz on it today, she really on it, she really gonna be on time, because she keep asking me, she keep forgetting what time. So clearly she really care and then she still come late, like you done.
Speaker 2:Asked me no, cuz I need a no cause. I need a life assistant, Like I need a life assistant. I am such a like okay, you know how, we was just talking about practice and saying no, I am such a say yes person to like being invited to stuff.
Speaker 1:So I said yes to everything. She's awesome yeah.
Speaker 2:I don't got nothing to do that day. It's okay, you can rest like what the hell, baby? And then guess what? And then I really have like three things planned and I just forgot. I just said yes, girl, I triple book. I caught you because you got to understand too, I'm a mom, so I have kids that are getting older and they be booked and busy too, so they got birthday parties and sleepovers and things.
Speaker 2:So I mean I just I gotta work on that got to start really utilizing planners and calendars and stuff, because I just need to get that organized. I forgot I told some kids that they could come over for a sleepover. Yesterday I was invited to a whole sleepover, a grown up sleepover party that I completely forgot all about. But even when I told these kids yes to a sleepover at my house, in the back of my head I'm like I feel like I have something to do, but I could not for the life of me, remember.
Speaker 1:Yeah, speaking of saying no to, I need to start saying no to my kids more, because let me vent about these little, these kids, honey, they, I don't know what they think, I don't really know what they think, but we just moved. Y'all, like I said, said we just moved literally a week ago today. No, we moved friday. So a week ago, on friday we make a week. We've been in our new house and these kids ain't like you would think. They'd just be grateful. Your mom just got your house. Y'all got the big backyard y'all wanted, we got. You know, I'm trying to get the house together. They still asking me to do this and do that and spend money here and spend money there, and I'm just like wait, like can we just soak in the fact that we are out of the apartment that we just stayed in for four years, like we're in a you know a three-bedroom house? Y'all got y'all's own room. We got you know what I'm saying all this space, garage, like. Can y'all focus?
Speaker 1:on that soak that in on the second, before y'all ask me for anything else. Honey Girl, while we still was this move done broke me.
Speaker 2:We was still bringing boxes in the house and her oldest over there talking about something. Well, I want to. I got some friends over here. I want to go down to the park. Can I go down to the park?
Speaker 1:He don't even want to help.
Speaker 2:Can I go to the store, can I do this about the neighborhood and everything like that? But yeah, it's just crazy. It's crazy. Sometimes you gotta say just don't ask for shit this week has been crazy.
Speaker 1:Like I got so much stuff I can think about, like I just can't even think about everything. Like what else was I gonna the USPS, usps, count your days, count your days. Okay, I've been up and down with these people for the last week and it's insane. Like, don't ever forward your mail, change your address. Y'all might as well just contact y'all your bill people, everybody your banks, just update your address with them, because I don't know how I changed my address three weeks ago and I still ain't got my mail and then y'all holding mail at the local post office.
Speaker 1:Then y'all said I got mail in the other holding area in Detroit. I just don't understand. But baby, I ain't got no mail. Even my son, he got his little outfit, he done ordered on T-MU and his little cash at cart, but I ain't got no mail. And I got some important mail I'm waiting on. So I'm just not understanding. Like, and then they keep telling me all this different stuff 7 to 10 days, 2 weeks, is it?
Speaker 2:7 to 10 days, or is it 2 weeks?
Speaker 1:and is it business days? Because their mail run on Saturdays. So make it make sense. Then y'all charge me a dollar.
Speaker 2:To do the change of address.
Speaker 1:I want my dollar back. I'm disputing it Because I didn't get the service I paid for. That's one thing about it. I didn't get the service I paid for, so I want my dollar back period, like what this? Is insane that's funny for real.
Speaker 2:Like these people is crazy you getting it from every direction, ain't you?
Speaker 1:yeah, you know, but I'm just continuing to find the grace in everything and like just just remaining grateful. I just thank God every day. I still am so appalled and in disbelief by just all the blessings that he's just given me recently and everything that's going on, and even just the growth with the podcast. All this stuff is just like I'm almost overwhelmed with joy in a sense. So it's like even all these other things and these things that I did vent about is like it still can't steal my joy. I'm still not allowing it to steal the joy that the lord has instilled in me because I am truly blessed and highly favored and I'm just so thankful, like forever thankful.
Speaker 1:So I just, you know, but it always is good to you know vent and get things off your chest, because one thing I used to do is hold everything in until I explode and I will be breaking down, calling my cousin crying like this, this, this, that, and she be like cuz and I'm like yeah. So that's why we just love doing the can I Vent segments and we be having so much stuff to vent about.
Speaker 2:Yes, and thank y'all for letting us unload this on y'all Like For real, because I know y'all be going through this. I know y'all's friends be trying y'all sometimes, like you know.
Speaker 1:And I think that you know what I just, oh my gosh. So me and Eva, we talked about some exciting things that we wanted to do, like with the growth of the podcast. We want to. You know, one of our goals within this next year is to do a live podcast show those are really popular right now and it just gives us the way to be more close and intimate with our listeners and our you know followers, and so I just thought about it like we should do a live. Can I vent?
Speaker 2:Ooh, and I'm gonna invite the friends I'm talking about.
Speaker 1:I think that would be so dope, just giving the floor to people and letting them.
Speaker 2:We gonna be a room full of I love it.
Speaker 1:I think that would be so dope y'all what y'all think y'all need to. Let us know. Hit us up on our page, let us know. Would y'all come? Like we really would have a ball yeah, that would be a good time and, like Eva said, you know I'm a planner so I get to it like when I plan stuff it be a good time it do you don't gotta worry about nothing, I just sit back and show up.
Speaker 2:I love it.
Speaker 1:Yes, it is, I love it, mm-mm. Y'all love me not one bit. She gonna be a part of this planning honey.
Speaker 2:I'm talking about y'all to the point when she tells me when it's time to stand up and get on the plane. Like I literally Like I travel with her so much and let her just take care of everything. I'm planning my first trip by myself With my kids and like Cause, this is like I don't like it, so should y'all?
Speaker 1:Oh, she should probably be the first person I stand on business with. Huh Should I make even? I'm going to start making her take more part of it. I'm going to show. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but I'm always late, yeah well, you better start being on time.
Speaker 2:So I'm going to plan stuff after we're supposed to be at the airport, Like that ain't, don't let me ruin the trip.
Speaker 1:Don't let it be my fault. No, you're going to ruin it for you. You gonna be the one we gonna be waving from you While we going, we pulling on oh my gosh and you know what I love too, like you know, ray Ray Is.
Speaker 2:So Ray Ray, my other favorite cousin, so she's like you too. Yeah, like cause Y'all, my birthday is next week, on the 25th. Yeah, and we're going to Chicago. And when I tell you, poor Ray Ray, you take care of everything, okay, even to the fact where, like I was about to book the Airbnb and the room and everything like she, like, cuz, just come over here and pull up, I pulled up, you doing this wrong, took the phone and she done fixed and found the best deal and got the room booked and together, cuz she had the damn rental car rented or or reserved like two weeks in advance.
Speaker 1:I've never seen that, I've never and it's so crazy listen to her and think like, oh my gosh, like she just can't do nothing. But I don't know if y'all listen to our episode that we did with Courtney Gossie. But, like she said, eva was her one friend that was in school getting 4.1, 4.2, like exceeding expectations. So it's not like she can't do it, she just is one of them people that once she see everybody else can do it, she like, oh, she got it. Let me just play back over here Like she got it, but she can do it. I can't. It's back over here like she got it, but she can do it. I can't, it's too hard. I see you book an airbnb or two.
Speaker 1:It was hard.
Speaker 2:That's one of the things we're gonna work on and then the one the remember when I booked that one airbnb and it was a festival and don't let me do shit. See, like don't let me do that.
Speaker 1:I probably didn't read the reviews.
Speaker 2:I don't, I didn't read them. See what I'm talking about she did, she's just like.
Speaker 1:This is nice.
Speaker 2:This is enough space for all of us, us the kids and ants, we all up in here comfy maybe that is something I need to work on, but I just feel like I never really had to and I don't want to. Like you know, whatever man God puts in my life I hope he loves planning shit, cause, fuck with me, we won't do nothing. I just like to show up and I'm the life of the party, like I'm bringing the vibes. That's what I'm bringing, that's my contribution. Okay, we gonna have a good time yeah, cause like where is?
Speaker 1:the man at honey. Yeah, because if he come when we like 40, nobody's gonna feel like doing nothing. We're retired, we're laying down exhausted exhausted, the price is right. Like this is what we're doing. Like yeah, lord. Like we've been waiting. We've been waiting patiently when they at. Like yeah, that is crazy Talk about it.
Speaker 2:I'm really never on time to anything. That's wild.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I want to feel about that because it's very rude, Like when.
Speaker 2:I make doctor's appointments because, like I always ask them, like, like you know what's the grace period, that's one thing I'm not like.
Speaker 1:I show up doctors or a dentist appointment, because I ain't trying to sit in this lobby with all these people and all these minutes, like, like, especially when they give me a weird time, so they tell me my appointment was at 9 10 in my hand. No time is weird.
Speaker 2:You must be 9, 30, what is it a?
Speaker 1:weird time? No, it's not weird, so you show up at 19 not standard. Time is not hour or 30 minute, half hour. There's minutes in between. It's like she only do time by the half hour or the hour exactly.
Speaker 2:No there's minutes in between.
Speaker 1:There's uh, what is it? It's a quarter quarter after 10, like you? Like what?
Speaker 2:no, I just assumed when they said 9-10, they meant 9-30 and I showed up at 9-30 and it wasn't a problem 9-10 you need to at least be there by 9-45.
Speaker 1:I mean wait 10 if they said appointments at 10-10, you need to be there, see.
Speaker 2:That's why I need to be there every hour every hour, all the hour, don't show up.
Speaker 1:No, I just keep saying all these numbers. No, if it's 1010, you need to be at least at the appointment by 945, 950, because you need to be there to check in, because checking in takes like one second. No, sometimes you got to do your recertification paperwork Every six months. You got to follow up. You got to update your information.
Speaker 2:Well, my doctor must do that for me. They must already know.
Speaker 1:And then, who knows, say you get there at 10.09, and your appointment is at 10.10. You think it's going to take one minute to check in. What if that day they're busy and it's all these people in front of you Now you in the back of the line, and all the people that come before you that get checked in before you Now they about to get seen before you, maybe I don't know. No, I just get comfortable in the lobby.
Speaker 2:It don't make me no, never mind, it don't bother me. She just got the time to wait.
Speaker 1:I just go with the flow, talking about I assume they want me there at 1030. No, that's like saying that. No, they said 1010. That's like I remember I got pulled over for speeding one time. Let me tell y'all, I got pulled over for speeding and this officer was so rude to me. I don't know if he just was having a bad day or if he ran my plates and seen that I had already been pulled over multiple times for the same thing, but I'm going to just assume he was having a bad day, not my fault, he was having a bad day.
Speaker 1:He was so rude and just not soft with me at all, and he was like you know, you're speeding in this school zone. And I'm like, no, I was not speeding. He's like, yes, you was. And he said you was going. I think the speed limit was like 25, 30 he's. He's like you know, you were going like 35 miles per hour or something like that. It was like something so not that much speed. And I'm like, well, I thought that there was like a grace, like a window, like a grace period Like a safe zone, your safe zone Like okay you can go like five to six miles over.
Speaker 2:He was like listen to yourself.
Speaker 1:Do that make sense?
Speaker 1:It makes sense to me the speed limit is the speed limit, for a reason, if the speed limit is 25 miles per hour, it's 25 miles per hour, it's not 20 plus an extra 5 miles per hour, if you feel like it. He was like he was so irritated. He was like he was like it was the dumbest shit I've ever heard and I and I'm like I'm really mad whoever told me that, because I really believe him. You know, I didn't go to driving school. May have been me, I didn't go to driving school.
Speaker 2:I thought that was the common law. I got my license when I was 18.
Speaker 1:So I didn't go to driving school, so I don't know really the rules of the road. I just knew what I needed to know to pass the test to get my license Correct. That's it. The passed the test to get my license Correct the bare minimum. He was pissed, but that's how she sounds.
Speaker 2:I thought you meant him. I cannot be the only one that thinks like this.
Speaker 1:Let us know. Y'all Write us in the inbox.
Speaker 2:If your appointment is at 9-10, what time are you supposed to be there?
Speaker 1:I'm going to make a poll today because I'm posting this podcast today. Today is Sunday, april the 21st. I'm posting this podcast today and I'm going to create a poll and I'm going to ask that question and we're going to see and watch how many people think like me shoot as long as you're there by 930, it should be no problems okay gosh, I'm bad with everything.
Speaker 2:I don't think I've ever been on time to see anything. I can't think of a single thing. Mm, mm, mm, I don't think.
Speaker 1:I've ever been on time to anything. I can't think of a single thing, Mm-mm-mm. Well, y'all. This concludes the Can I have it episode, Because honey, she's still thinking about the time. So yeah, Until next time, guys Stay bold.